4202024: Ways YOU Can Start Preparing for Palindrome 4/20 NOW
By Doña Inés de Asbaje Ramirez de Santillana
1. First and foremost, it’s important to make sure that you’re smoking palindrome weed. Some notable strains include, “Pink Nip,” “Faded AF,” and “Evil Olive.” You can buy some using our 20% off discount code “ANAUJIRAM!” 2. Only true experts know this, but by reversing your joint, i.e., placing the lit end in your mouth, […]
Opinion: You Should Join the U.S. Armed Forces
By Ezra PP Starkweather
Hey, this is Sgt. Loser contacting you from the U.S. Army Career Center. My role is to ensure civilians like yourself are aware of the benefits of enlisting in the U.S. Army, and your school district is part of my AOR (Area of Operation). Look, I know it’s been four years since you gave me […]
Jeremy From the SFS Has ‘Something to Say’ About the Sticker on Your Water Bottle
By Carolina Edgecumb
“Herm… why, excuse me, madam…” spoke the foul-faced freshman. “I happened to notice this… sticker on your water bottle there, if one could call it that. Indeed, I must say… quite gauche. I could never stoop so low as to virtue signal on my medium of beverage, but I suppose not everyone at this ‘prestigious’ […]
The Worst Person You Know Just Got Into Infographics: What This Means for Your Already Declining Mental Health
By Duchess Barbara Knittingford of Hartford, CT
Cool Guy Comfortable With His Sexuality Actually Attaches Key Chain to His Belt!
By Duchess Barbara Knittingford of Hartford, CT
This cool guy does many cool things! Here are some cool things that he does that make him cool. 1. He’s read Lolita, “for the language”! 2. He does poppers! 3. He hand-steeps his tea, in a Smeg press! 4. He took one (1) gender studies class, but he already knew all that stuff anyway! […]
Between a Rock and a Hard Place: Should I Enter My Home Through the Back Door Where All the Rats Are, or the Front Door Where I Can See My Neighbor Jerkin’ It in the Window?
By Shackleford Hedgecock, Esq.
In the wee hours of the morning, lit up by the hazy orange lights of Burleith, I ponder the deep questions of my life: what if my youth is flying past me as I try to grasp it like smoke in the air? What if my tummy hurts because I didn’t get enough fiber today? […]
“This Is It?”: Man at End Coming to Terms
By Ezra PP Starkweather
“I’ve always connected with Harper on a different level than most – and that’s not just because we share a name.” Charles Tate, 32, is one of many heart-broken individuals struck by the sudden and unexpected passing of Charlie Sheen’s character, Charlie Harper, on the popular sitcom Two and a Half Men. Harper was last […]