HEALY HALL – Awed by his stunning ability to take the stage at a moments notice, GU Fossil Free announced on Tuesday that they would be bringing their hero Kanye West to speak on April 28th. “Kanye has perfected the art of disregarding who is on the stage and why people are listening to who […]
INDIANAPOLIS – A source close to the team reported that late Saturday night following their devastating loss to the Utes, the Georgetown basketball team requested that their charter plane land briefly in Indianapolis, IN, to steal the NCAA championship trophy. Coach John Thompson III, whose team hasn’t reached the Sweet Sixteen since 2007, made […]
HEALY CIRCLE – Following the Georgetown Board of Directors’ rejection of their Fossil Fuel Divestment proposal, members of GU Fossil Free announced Wednesday thatthey have set their sights on separating their souls from their bodies in the ultimate act of divestment. “Through concentrated meditation on the Third Eye, we are seeking to transcend our earthly […]
LEAVEY CENTER – Following recent criticisms of worker homogeneity, The Corp is set to release a new series of personalities for its baristas and cashiers later this week. Three transformative and radically improved personality options including “Not Popular in High School,” “Introverted and Average Looking,” and “Genuinely Interested in Customer Service” will debut in […]
Dear Sophomore Alone On Valentine’s Day, I feel like I’ve hit the Sophomore Slump that everyone talks about, and I’ve been really homesick lately. Any advice on how to get through the rest of the semester? It’s gonna be a total Galentine’s Day this year. We’ll have to take some super cute pics of us […]
LAUINGER LIBRARY – During a long study session in the university library’s most popular floor on Saturday night, Kat Peterson (COL ’17) reportedly left her MacBook under the watchful eyes of a man wearing a ski mask and holding a pile of laptops “for safe keeping.” “I had never met him before, but he […]
KENNEDY CENTER – Showcasing a stunning range of modern South Asian fusion and classical dances, Rangila is one of the most popular events on campus each year and draws hundreds of students in signups each year. Amidst the hoopla of its new location in the Kennedy Center, this year Rangila will feature a record […]
HENLE VILLAGE — Dealing with a 17 year old inquiry, Georgetown University Maintenance reportedly has not yet received the necessary part to fix the broken VCR in Henle 75. The complaint was filed with maintenance in 1997 by student Robert Millard (COL ’98), a resident of the apartment at the time while he and […]
LEAVEY CENTER — As a full moon approaches at the end of the month, Mesoamerican long count calendars warn that soon the world will reach the date of the apocalypse. Recovered artifacts suggest that the Mayan people may have predicted the ultimate day of the earth’s existence or, as Georgetown University Department of Archaeology […]