In a recent speech delivered about gun control and the mass shootings that have terrorized America during his presidency, President Barack Obama was seen tearing up. But if Obama’s tears are genuine, and not just another one of his liberal ploys to gain political support for his totalitarian regime, then could someone please explain  to […]

PITTSBURGH, PA – In an inspiring display of self-control, Chuck Rogers chose to not get behind the wheel of a car to drive his children Caroline and Zach to soccer practice, deciding he was too drunk to drive. Chuck, fighting through a 0.23 BAC on a Tuesday afternoon, still had the good sense to set an […]

  NEWARK, NJ – In today’s press conference, National Football League Commissioner Roger Goodell announced plans to implement a long-awaited rule change to finally allow your drunk uncle Ted the option to challenge one call per game.   The new rule states that “Once per game, Theodore Austin, Jr. may make one challenge by screaming […]

TUCSON, AZ – Jared Callahan, a man who has never worked a day in his life and who does not speak a word of English, is being completely supported by a pair of hard-working Americans. Chad Callahan, a software engineer, and his wife Laura Callahan, a schoolteacher, are expected to provide and care for his […]

  BETHESDA, MD – A recent study conducted by the FDA found that morphine has taken the title of “best medicine” from its longstanding holder, laughter. “The sweet song of my grandkids’ laughter helps me forget about the constant pain I’m in and brings me to a place of peace, but if all I have to […]

HARBIN – In his most recent semi-weekly call home, Joel Keating (C’19) reassured his mother that he has yet to miss a class and has gone to Mass every Sunday so far. Mrs. Keating was worried that her boy, so far away from their Minnesota home, might try beer before he turns 21.   “You […]