In the wee hours of the morning, lit up by the hazy orange lights of Burleith, I ponder the deep questions of my life: what if my youth is flying past me as I try to grasp it like smoke in the air? What if my tummy hurts because I didn’t get enough fiber today? […]

As the timeline between a pop culture issue and our collective interpretation of said issue hits bedrock, collapsing in upon itself with all of the speed and force of the Titan submersible’s puny carbon hull, one must ask oneself: how long will it take before my brain becomes mush? Perhaps it is the sips of […]

“Some may say that my desire to sit on the statue of Archbishop John Carroll is my way of confronting my fear of intimacy with other men and enjoying a deep cooling sensation,” Pence said. “However, this simply isn’t the case. I admire John Carroll because of his Christian faith and because he was a […]

Wait, don’t click the back button! We, the New York Times Opinion Section, know we’ve messed up in the past, but this time we definitely have the right take about transgender issues. Yes, this year we said that a cisgender woman’s fear of being criticized by trans people on Twitter were just as important as […]

This week, Lea Michele will officially replace Beanie Feldstein in the role of Fanny Brice in the 2022 revival of Funny Girl. After several months of snobbish reviews of Feldstein’s performance, looks, and her singing voice, Feldstein left the run weeks early. The producers, who were rumored to have forced Feldstein to quit, quickly redesigned […]

Unprincipled Georgetown music lovers, rejoice!  In protest of Joe Rogan’s COVID-19 misinformation and racism, luminaries like Neil Young and Joni Mitchell have recently removed their discographies from Spotify. But not to worry, the Georgetown Chimes say. They plan to release more original music on the streaming platform in solidarity with Rogan. “Rogan provides a real […]

So your Valentine’s Day plans went out the window. He’s emotionally unavailable, or worse, he’s “too worried about Ukraine to text back.” Whatever it is, we see you girl! Straight women have been dealing with this bull since the beginning of time. This Valentine’s Day, let’s take a look back at the ladies of Greco-Roman […]

Many Hoyas have admired Gravis Tripp’s (COL ’24) unreal skateboarding tricks. He can often be observed serpentining around Southwest Quad and grinding on the railings behind Yates. However, Gravis has a secret. And he’s ready to talk about it.  Last Saturday, multiple witnesses noticed a man with a familiar mop of ratty blond hair, which […]

GEORGETOWN – While stumbling home to Harbin on a partly cloudy night after her first Vil A rooftop party, Amelia Mumford (MSB ’25) happened upon a gorgeous sight.  “I’ve literally… never seen the moon so big,” Mumford heroically slurred, enunciating fairly well even though she was way drunker than she’d promised her roommate she would […]

We at the Heckler happily condone students organizing for abolition, protesting the Georgetown overlords, and keeping themselves safe on campus by any means necessary. We also think that you should be able to have some creative, safe fun while you resist GUPD’s unwelcome presence. Here are six easy ways to do so!  Walk very, very […]