Content warning: racism, racist violence, police brutality, racism at Georgetown  To the members of the Georgetown Community,  The Heckler, like much of the Georgetown comedy sphere, has historically been a space filled predominantly with white men and their voices. Our lack of diversity and failure to create an environment of respect and inclusion has resulted […]

Politics today have revealed the darkest side of our human nature. The political sphere on all levels is almost irreparably plagued by pride, self-interest, greed, hate, sin – and what’s more, our elected officials seek to drag their loyal constituents into the lowest echelons of hell along with them as they pursue their pagan agendas. […]

HEALY HALL — In response to growing neighborhood concerns about Student Neighborhood Assistance Program (SNAP) incident response times, the university announced on Thursday that it had purchased a Boeing AH-64E Apache helicopter for use by a highly trained team of SNAP administrators. “Georgetown remains committed to holding up its end of the 2010 Campus Plan agreement, […]

“I get it, but do you have to say it like that?” asked Erica Laughton (SFS ’17), who was on her way to International Trade, and did not plan on seeing a 6-foot shame apparatus.  

DARNALL HALL – After yet another night of failing to get even a lick of frightening in, the monster that lives under your bed reportedly complained that your masturbation sessions are becoming unbearably frequent, making it practically impossible to get any work done whatsoever. “The RA on duty has yet to respond to a single […]

CARIBBEAN—This past Thursday, historians uncovered what they have determined to be the study abroad blog written in 1492 by Christopher Columbus on the topic of his travel to and discovery of the Americas. “Almost every blog entry includes a portrait of Columbus with an alcoholic beverage and a scenic backdrop,” noted Richard Dulles, one of […]

  A strong gust of wind managed to disarm the Russian T-14’s of their stealth technology.  Russia has long been suspected of supporting the insurgency in eastern Ukraine through military reinforcements.

To The Hoya: We’ve received the news that you have kidnapped our former managing editor, Connor Rohan (COL ’16).  The blood sample you sent to our office, though excessive, was sufficient for us to confirm his identity.  You must understand, though, that as a public figure he is no longer of any value to us.  He has no […]

UNDISCLOSED LOCATION – By now, we are sure you have heard of the stolen vacuum from the office of The Hoya.  The Heckler takes full responsibility for the theft and is holding the vacuum until further notice.  This photograph was taken at approximately 1:30 p.m. on Wednesday, September 16th 2015 of the “Eureka” vacuum in […]

HEALY HALL — Following a week in which it has come to light that Georgetown has been involved in three separate controversies that include mishandling sexual assault, neglecting racial discrimination, and underfunding psychiatric services, Georgetown University is now steeped in a pile of its own fecal matter. The administration’s streak of confronting serious problems with disproportionately feeble efforts […]