The Georgetown Heckler

Opinion | March 1, 2004

OP-ED: Bask In My Cultured Ways

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It’s my third month here in Spain and I have to say, I’m not the same wet-behind-the-ears, wide-eyed, bushy-tailed fresh-fish I was when I first arrived. I’m changed. And it’s all due to the mind expanding, once in a lifetime cultural experience that IS studying abroad. You’ve seen the American Express commercial. Flight to Prague: $500; North Face back pack: $200; finding the real you: priceless. Yeah, that’s me.

For starters, Europe is so much more interesting than “The States.” Oh yeah, anybody who’s anybody calls it “The States,” and if you don’t, I pity your simple ways. “America” refers to more than just the Fifty Nifty, you chauvinist. As I was saying, Europe is so much more interesting than the states. Europeans do interesting things and change the names of everyday things to better, more interesting words. The Dollar in Europe, for example, is referred to as a “Euro.” Doesn’t that sound more European? They even made it different colours to make it pretty.

Second, all the things in Europe are so much older than things in the states, which makes them better. I’m not totally sure, but I think some of these cities are one or even two hundred years old. Isn’t that crazy? I’ve learned so much just walking around the labyrinthine streets of old Europe.

Finally, the cultural history of Europe makes it a goldmine of artistic treasures. I mean, how many of you guys have seen Goya’s ‘Las Meninas’? I bet you couldn’t tell me what it smells like the Sistine Chapel. You’ve never stood there and looked up at that beautiful ceiling. I look at you and I see a scared shitless little kid. But you’re a genius Will, nobody’s denying that. Obviously you stayed at Georgetown so you can feel comfortable. So comfortable, you’ll miss out on seeing Picasso’s ‘Guernica’ at The Prado. This, by the way, is his master work dedicated to the U.S. Civil War. I saw this firsthand and could literally feel my frontal lobe spreading to make room for my obviously growing brain.

It’s not that I’m “better” than you, per say; I just pity your ethnocentric way of life. You could be chomping croissants instead of bagels, cruising in Fiats instead of Fords, sunbathing on the beaches of the Canary Islands instead Copley lawn, but you won’t even try…

In related news, the movie Good Will Hunting can be viewed with subtitles in most European cities’ hotels.