The Georgetown Heckler

Features News | January 14, 2014

GUSA Decree Mandates New Student Greeting: “Hey, how was your break?”


LEVEY CENTER- In a 25-1 vote Georgetown University Student Association instituted a temporary new student greeting that mandates students begin any interaction with the phrase: “hey, how was your break?” The mandatory greeting is expected to be imposed for at least one week, but could extend further for awkward conversations with rarely- seen acquaintances.

“This new greeting will in some ways extend the holiday spirit and provide an excellent launching point for friends to catch up and begin new adventures,” said GUSA President Nate Tisa. “I am extremely proud of GUSA for passing this important piece of legislation.”

An exception clause was added for close friends and relationship partners who were in constant contact throughout break and need no help in initiating conversation.

“We are very keen to understanding the need to not abuse our GUSA powers,” said GUSA Vice President Adam Ramadan. “We are going to make the greeting mandatory, but we assure the general public this will only be a temporary measure.” Detractors of the bill point to GUSAʼs failed roll-out of last yearʼs spring break greeting which was erroneously implemented a week early.

GUSA simultaneously released a pamphlet with guidelines on how all post-break interactions should be handled. After asking how oneʼs break was, it is strongly

encouraged then to inquire about presents, vacations, and mutually-known family members. The wearing of newly-acquired clothes is also recommended. The deadline for posting pictures from break was pushed back in a last minute vote to January 15th with an exception clause that any album may be pushed until the beginning of February only if the album is titled a variation on “Late as Helll.”

The lone dissenting vote came from Junior GUSA Senator Isaac Hayward (Col ʼ15) who strongly objected to the social media portion of the bill. “I am sick and tired of having my social media outlets clogged with peopleʼs pictures from break that I do not care about,” he declared at a hastily-assembled press conference. “Until we can enact limits on things no one cares about I cannot vote for another bill.”