The Georgetown Heckler

News | January 14, 2014

Student Whose Parents Both Recently Died Tells Acquaintance Break Was “Pretty Good”


Failing to mention the drunk driving accident that killed both of his parents Christmas morning, Jeremy Heisner (COL ’15) expressed to an acquaintance Tuesday that his winter break was “pretty good,” sources confirmed.

Striving to maintain propriety despite having attended his parents’ funeral less than 72 hours before, Heisner reportedly told Michelle Delaine (COL ’16), whom he vaguely knew from a class the previous semester, that it was “nice to see friends back home” over break but that he was “ready to come back.”

“It seemed like a totally normal interaction,” observer Dawn McFoll (SFS ’16) said.  “He smiled and laughed when appropriate. You couldn’t even tell that his entire family had been wiped out in a matter of a few violent seconds just the other day, or that he himself no longer feels a desire to live.”

“His emptiness was well disguised,” McFoll added.

Sources indicate that upon walking away from the short conversation, Heisner broke into tears, dropped to his knees and began pounding the concrete on which he knelt with a single closed fist while loudly declaring his newfound disbelief in God and life’s intrinsic purpose.

When asked for comment, Heisner experienced a flashback to the identification of his parents’ charred remains, which he indicated was “all right” but “too short.”