The Georgetown Heckler

News | May 18, 2014

Freshman Sends DeGioia Edible Arrangement: “Sorry for Missing All Those Fun Events”


San Francisco — From his San Francisco bedroom Tuesday rising sophomore John Roland (SFS ’17), overcome with guilt, decided to send University President John DeGioia an edible arrangement as an apology.

“When I got home and just sat in my bed after the whole hubbub of finals was over it sorta just hit me,” said Roland over the phone.

“I felt like a total jerk for just ignoring all those emails DeGioia personally sent me.”

Over the course of the year Roland ignored dozens of university-sponsored emails about events from mildly important politicians to panels on future architectural projects to the temporary closure of the Lombardi walkway.

“I don’t even know where the Lombardi walkway is. God, what if I had walked on it while it was closed? DeGioia would have been so upset with me.”

To rectify the situation Roland decided to send DeGioia a bouquet of fruits and vegetables from the company Edible Arrangements on Tuesday.

One of the Edible Arrangement options Roland declined to use as an apology.

“I wanted the arrangement to be blue and gray as a Georgetown-themed apology, but I got bogged down by the lack of gray produce,” said Roland. “It’s actually just a bunch of blueberries and a few plums Mike from customer service assured me were more blue than purple.”

The company was founded in 2007 with the mission statement “to provide a fun, thoughtful gift to someone you have no idea what the fuck would make them happy.”

Roland’s shipment is expected to be received in the president’s office within the usual 5-7 day business day period with the affixed note: “Dear J.DG, Sorry for poor attendance this year. This doesn’t mean I love you any less. See you in the fall. -J.R.”

Roland’s decision received strong support from his family.

“This is obviously an embarrassment to our family,” said Roland’s father Eric Roland. “We did not raise our son to ignore a plethora of inane bureaucratic emails.”

DeGioia could not be reached for comment.