The Georgetown Heckler

News | March 24, 2003

Housing Crisis Solved As South East Quadrangle Opens

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Students who have been left in limbo after being denied housing for next year can take a sigh of relief. Rising Georgetown upperclassmen will be provided housing in the University’s new ‘South East Quadrangle’ located in the heart of crime-riddled South East Washington, DC.

Students’ prayers have been answered by the least likely source. The Georgetown Housing office, which was responsible for kicking students off campus in the first place, found the solution to the recent on-campus housing crisis. Director of Housing Services, Shirley C. Menendez, recently announced the recent acquisition of an abandoned warehouse in Southeast DC.

“Any student who was forced off campus due to our blatant incompetence can now apply for room in Georgetown’s new South East Quadrangle,” she said. The University was able to purchase the housing project for a rock-bottom price because it sits smack dab in the middle of two rival gang territories.

The building comes complete with bars on all windows, gun racks, whores, pimps and drug dealers, which may prove to be attractive to some students. This should make it much easier for the international students to get their massive amounts of cocaine.

Menendez assures that students who live in South East will quickly adjust to the neighborhood. They will learn which colors not to wear and which hand movements indicate “your gang is bad; I would like to kill you”.

The South East quadrangle lottery will take place this Saturday in Village C.