The Georgetown Heckler

News | March 24, 2003

New Study: More Sun Equals More Fun

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A study by the Georgetown University Medical Association of Oncology reports that the amount of fun had on Spring Break is directly proportional to the amount of sun exposure attained. “More sun does seem to equal more fun,” said a spokesman.

The study stems from the theory that the tanner you are upon returning from Spring Break, regardless of activity, the more fun you must have had while away.  “Seems true enough to me,” said Tom Davenport (MSB 05), “and now there is finally scientific evidence to prove it!”

The authors of the study have developed a scale for people to refer to upon deciding how much fun their peers must have had.  The scale works as follows:
• Stark white = no fun whatsoever
• White = some fun, but mostly loser fun, like chess and stuff
• Pink = poor attempt at fun, mixed drinks with your parents
• Light Brown = Tried to hook up but got DENIED
• Brown = 4/7 rule (4 different partners and 7 nights under the influence)
• Dark Brown = countless hookups, never sober
• Burnt to a Crisp = obviously should be on MTV’s Spring Break, we applaud you

Criticism of the study comes mostly from tan-lined SFS students. “I hiked the Appalachian Trail and had a great time! I know I’m not very tan, but we did some really great research” says Kevin Smith (SFS 04).

A scientist from the study disagrees, noting that tan lines from shorts and socks discount any alleged “fun”. As the Georgetown community returns from break, this new scale will undoubtedly help in properly assessing the age-old question, “How was your break?”