GASTON HALL — Though the dining options at Georgetown’s Leo O’Donnovan Hall (affectionately dubbed ‘Leo’s’) have plagued students’ bowels for years, the subject has been beautifully finessed throughout the University sponsored multi-media project ‘Georgetown Stories.’ As 11 undergrads record their Hoya experience via video blog, social media, and photography, they’ve somehow managed to keep widespread gastrointestinal troubles off camera.
“My Georgetown experience has been genuinely transformative, and I’m so excited to share that. I can’t think of a place where I feel better provided for.” said Fiona Sanchez (MSB ’16) when asked about the feat of avoidance. “So expressing that was my… my priority, and… really, um, it wasn’t really, uh, ah, uh oh, would you excuse me?”
Sanchez did not emerge from the nearby Lau 2 bathroom she rushed into for 15 minutes of footage which ultimately did not make the cut online.
“Sorry, what was I saying? Oh yeah, my Georgetown experience. It’s just been a magical few years,” followed up Sanchez upon return before awkwardly waddling off.
Most Georgetown Stories stars, in a show of true commitment to the project’s overt positivity, avoided questions about the carnage that Leo’s has wrought on campus.
“It’s funny that you bring up Leo’s. I go every morning, I eat a full plate of Scrambled Liquid Egg Substitute, and I think, ‘Wow. I’m so lucky to go to this school,’” beamed Rick Forrester (COL ’15) stiffly. “I feel so fulfilled here. It’s such a healthy environment, you know? It’s like – Oh damnit. Damnit. Um. Is it 11:30am already? Here we go…”
Forrester rushed to the toilets and did not return, so The Heckler did not manage to acquire the end of his statement. However, he did send an apology email several hours later.
“I am so sorry about that… I’m probably just sick. But it’s okay, the Student Health Center’s incredibly caring services will patch me right up! Hoya Saxa!” wrote Forrester
One Georgetown Stories participant, Katy Lewis (SFS ’17), said she hasn’t been trying to hide or finesse anything in her vlog posts.
“Oh come on, Leo’s isn’t even that bad. You can tell that the staff loves working there, so just stepping into the place is a wonderful experience,” said Lewis, squirming around in her chair anxiously. “Plus, if you want you can always just run to Vittles and grab something yummy and affordable.”
Lewis and her colleagues maintain that life Georgetown is exactly as sunny as the multimedia project makes it seem.
Suspiciously, not once in a Georgetown story has a student soiled themselves on camera after eating at Leo’s.
“Look, Georgetown is perfect for me. The principle of cura personalis? I’ve lived that here, in Georgetown’s beautiful and expansive housing facil–,” said Lewis, who instantly became stiff and demanded that this reporter leave the premises.