NEVILS — “It was ruining everything. I was becoming alienated from my freshman roommate, I hated checking my phone, and it just really shows how selfish Jessica is,” said Chelsea Frampton (MSB ‘17).
Reports having been brewing amongst confidential sources for the Georgetown Heckler for some time but last Thursday numerous credible sources confirmed that Jessica Chang (SFS ‘17) has been booted from the group-text for turning every single message green.
A file photo of the “repugnant” green that appears in group messages.
Jessica, representing a minority of students at Georgetown who have opted to obtain one of the many smartphones known as “Androids,” has been using a Samsung Galaxy since the summer before her freshman year.
Despite brilliant resolution and lightning fast data processing, the Galaxy simply could not satisfy the group’s need for blue iMessages in their group-text.
“Look if, like, practically everyone at Georgetown has an iPhone, then all my messages are blue. Literally the only reason I shouldn’t be able to iMessage is if I’m like, buried in a catacomb or something,” said Abby Schaffer, another iPhone owner and member of Jessica’s former friend group.
“If I have to choose between talking to a really sweet girl and letting her know about our group plans or seeing that dumb green bar everytime I send a text, its an easy choice.”
Numerous trends have been seen across campus in a response to friend-group-splintering.
First among these was move to create a group to advocate for these phone owners. Jeff Lee, founder of AUA, or Android Users and Allies, released a statement to the Heckler. “It’s outrageous that privileged, upper-middle class Georgetown students are being bullied by other upper-middle class Georgetown students into which type of cutting edge technology they need to have.”
An additional phenomenon has been only Android-user groups of friends hanging out across campus.
At press time, unconfirmed reports have also stated that these groups are considering endorsing Bing as a search engine and trading in all their MacBooks for Dell laptops.