The Georgetown Heckler

News | February 16, 2015

Candidate Confesses to Employment as Steward

By

flight

HFSC — A last-minute confession of employment as an airline steward from GUSA hopeful Joe Luther (COL ’16) has thrown the election into turmoil.

 

“I feel as though I must be completely transparent with the public,” said Luther. “For the past two and a half years I have globe-trotted the world, providing assorted refreshments and snacks to travelers in both first and economy class.”

 

He went on to detail that his position as steward had included tending to the needs of passengers on domestic and international flights.

 

In a race that has stayed relatively free of scandal, the news comes as a blow to those who wished to focus on the issues.

 

At the beginning of the race each candidate signed a pledge which stated that “no member of [the] ticket has at any time worked to ensure the comfort and safety of passengers aboard a commercial flight.”

 

For weeks the campaign fended off suspicion of association with stewards but failed to adequately explain several pictures of the candidate demonstrating to passengers in 747 that they need to secure their own oxygen masks before helping others.

 

Airline stewards’ approval rating on campus has plummeted in recent years as constituents have grown weary of the groups’ ability to deploy the refreshment trolley with little oversight and accountability.

 

Luther had stated that his membership within the industry was at first withheld because he believe that his experience “pampering airborne souls traversing the sky” should have no bearing on his ability to faithfully execute the duties of the executive.

 

Other tickets have called on the campaign to suspend operations until the election commission could determine exactly how many hot towels Luther had given to first-class passengers during the election season.

 

Representatives of the ticket have said that Luther will remain in the race regardless of his redeye flight this evening to Heathrow tomorrow night.