(courtesy The Hoya)

LEAVEY CENTER – Despite its failure to release a legitimate platform or budget, both Vox and The Hoya straw polls indicate that the Regret ticket is currently the frontrunner to win the 2015 GUSA executive election.

Garnering support primarily from self-described “students not following the race,” the Regret ticket has skyrocketed to popularity following the release of a series of entertaining videos and the routine dodging of important issues.

“We believe in all of these things,” said Regret #1 as he ate a fried meal as substantive as his campaign.  “Transparency.”

The Regret ticket’s extensive media campaign has been remarkably successful in attracting once uncertain voters.

“I think that at least some things GUSA does can matter, I guess,” said likely voter Lauren Adler (SFS ‘18), who failed to realize that her preferred candidates know more about Roseanne than tiered access to benefits. “But after thinking about it, I’d say my vote is going to those two guys who had that silly video about Benghazi.”

Presenting themselves as a distinct alternative to the usual crowd of GUSA insiders, the Regret ticket has captured the hearts and minds of a disenchanted student body.

“Imagine if they won!  Comedy gold for a whole year!” announced a sophomore who legitimately believes that the “S” in GUSA stands for “Sucks.”  “I’m dejected and can never be swayed.”

“The part in their platform about the tunnels was hysterical!” said Freshman Ben DeAnzionie (COL ‘18), who was blissfully unaware the next GUSA executive would be responsible for negotiating the campus plan for the next 20 years.

At press time, GUSA President Trevor Tezel sorrowfully uploaded a twelve-month long laugh track to GUSA’s YouTube channel, the majority of which will invariably be drowned out by the cacophonous clamor of anarchy.