WASHINGTON – Responding to the demand for transparency in a climate of growing public skepticism, the U.S. Department of State launched a new facet of their communications strategy on Tuesday – an actively managed Formspring account. Under Secretary for Public Diplomacy and Public Affairs Richard Stengel stated that by expanding the State Department’s social media presence, “democracy and free speech will flourish.”
Formspring allows users to submit anonymous questions to the page’s owner. An owner’s reply makes both the question and answer viewable to anyone visiting the page.
“Social media platforms like Formspring are vital to productive democracies. They allow ideas to flow freely,” said Stengel in a press conference. “Oh, look! We just got our first question! It reads, ‘Why do u look like a slutty chikn nugget that been run over?’ The people have spoken.”
Stengel also praised the anonymity that social media platform users enjoy, explaining that “Americans are not only able to speak their mind through these websites – they are encouraged to do so.”
Throughout Stengel’s press conference, the State Department Formspring account Inbox was projected onto the wall behind him, presumably to demonstrate how well received the new account would be. Submitted questions proliferated quickly and spanned a wide range, from ‘is it illegal to defecate into a frisbee?’ to ‘EXPLAIN THOUGHTS ON NEWT GINGRICH GIVE DETAILS AND TIPS FOR HOW COULD I (THEORETICALLY) IMPROVE MY PHYSICAL APPEARANCE IF I WERE NEWT BUT I’M NOT THANKS FOR HONESTY.’
Elena Drummond, a Formspring whiz who was recently hired by the State Department to manage its growing social media presence, agreed that online platforms had the thrilling potential to transform our conventional ideas of political participation and to start an open, honest dialogue about national security.
“Political engagement used to mean just voting, or maybe watching a debate. But the possibilities are expanded now – you can cyber bully your representatives, send your nudes to government officials, and champion minimal-impact social media campaigns,” said Drummond, eyes glued to her iPhone 6. “This stuff is completely changing our social processes!”
To assure the press that the State Department Formspring was in good hands, Drummond proudly reviewed her resume (filled with various social media management positions) as ‘Help my genitals smell like penne pasta’ flashed on the wall behind her.
“The work I do is hugely important,” beamed Drummond. “This is a new age.”