ROSSLYN, VA – Following the discovery of a spider with a unique and irreplaceable life scampering across his kitchen floor, area Buddha Joseph Horn scooped the spider into a mug and released it into his garden. “My girlfriend was trying to get me to just get it with a napkin, but I was like, ‘no way, that’s not what I’m about,’” taught the enlightened prince of empathy as he meditated on how the cosmos would reward his inexhaustible compassion. “Just imagine how scared you’d be if someone bigger just came over and crushed you. Besides, poor little guy probably wanted to be outside the whole time.” At press time, Horn noted the intrinsic value of all conscious beings as he slapped a half-pound of Angus beef into a hot oiled pan.

photo via MontessoriMotherload.wordpress.com