The Georgetown Heckler

News | September 7, 2015

Bush’s Platform to Include Finding the Hot Wheels George Borrowed Without Asking First

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CEDAR RAPIDS, IA – At a campaign stop in Cedar Rapids on Monday, GOP presidential candidate Jeb Bush ended his stump speech with a national call to action, prioritizing the location and safe return of a Hot Wheels toy car he once loaned to his brother, former president George W. Bush.   “Now, I’m not going to get another chance to talk to so many people at once,” explained Jeb, holding up a model car for the cameras, “so if you see this one, which is a 1971 Evil Weevil, please send it to me. This is the same model but not the same one George lost so it’s not mine, and I want mine.” George allegedly lost the model car after the siblings had agreed upon a split custody situation for the toy racer. “This election is about the our values, our economy, and more fundamentally, the future of our country. I really want to get to those things, but if my Weevil really fell out of George’s pocket during that camping trip at Big Bend then I’m going to ask everyone to check around and call me if you find it.” A more thorough explanation of the remarks on Jeb’s campaign website clarifies that the loan and subsequent loss of the car happened in 2007.