The Georgetown Heckler

News | November 2, 2015

O’Malley Holds Most Successful Vice Presidential Rally Yet



DUBUQUE, IA – Election experts took note on Monday as Democratic “presidential” candidate Martin O’Malley held his most energizing campaign rally yet in front of approximately 1,200 equally vanilla supporters and passersby, what many are calling the clearest sign yet of the latent strength in his vice presidential bid.

O’Malley has been conducting a steadfast campaign to be the nation’s No. 2 since early March, focusing his resources the early primary states. Campaign analysts have taken note of his excellent “background presence” and his patented “supportive thumbs up”.

The former Baltimore mayor spoke about his growing momentum towards the Naval Observatory in an afternoon press conference.

“I don’t want to get my hopes up yet. All I want is confidence of the American people’s candidates,” stated a visibly excited O’Malley, “We are trying hard each day to gather the attention of either Sanders or Clinton.  Hell, even that other guy, Lincoln Chafer or whatever, it doesn’t matter much to me.”

Despite stating ambivalence to the eventual nominee, O’Malley ended the press conference with a subtle hint at an impending endorsement of frontrunner Hillary Clinton.

“Oh, this country is ready for, if not outright in need of, a woman to be president, sure,” said O’Malley.  “But that’s no reason to break the whole ‘painfully mundane white guy for VP’ tradition.”

The rally Saturday focused on showing the onlookers the unique qualities that O’Malley had that would allow him to effectively serve the potential next leader of the United States. Touching on a variety of topics, O’Malley described himself as being dependable, being a good listener, having practiced presiding of the Senate in his mirror for years.

“There is nothing I want more than to be up on stage on Inauguration Day, cheering on whomever the nation rallied behind,” O’Malley explained. “I mean, look at me, how can I mess anything up if you can’t even notice me. I have the stage presence of a plastic lawn chair. My name looks good at the bottom of a bumper sticker and that’s all I’m asking you to consider for now.”

At press time, strategists from GOP candidate Carly Fiorina’s campaign were seen in the audience taking notes.