The Georgetown Heckler

News | December 2, 2015

Restless Toyota Knocks Over Oil Lamp, Car Barn Burns to Ground

By

CAMRYBARN

CAR BARN – Spooked by a thunderstorm the likes of which this city has never seen, a restless Toyota Camry knocked over a lit oil lamp Friday and sent Car Barn up in flames. “Fire was a doozy. North-western winds fanned dang blaze toward Halcyon House, flames so high could reach the pearly gates,” said Graduate School of Arts & Sciences administrator Jacob Austar as he chewed the end of a ballpoint pen, spitting coagulated ink into a shallow tin bucket. “Lost 17 cars, 3 motorcycles, two Radio Flyer Classic Red Wagons just bought at auction last week. S’all ash now. Still getting shipment of gas, but there ain’t nothing to guzzle it no more.” Austar added that, in honor of the defenseless vehicles destroyed by the fire, employees of Car Barn would hold a mass impounding next Thursday before scattering the remaining charred metal into the Potomac.