The Georgetown Heckler

News | January 18, 2016

Jesus Comes Again, Becomes Collateral Damage in Drone Strike


Dec. 17 airpower summary: Reapers touch enemy forces

BETHLEHEM – Over 2000 years after God sent him to save us, the second coming of Jesus Christ – Son of God – was killed Tuesday in a targeted U.S. drone strike 8km outside the City of Jerusalem.   “Our intel was that 3 or so monarchs from the East were traveling together and were to meet at this spot,” said an anonymous senior NSA analyst, “if we had known they were bringing gifts to the child of God and not potentially colluding in an elaborate terrorist plot, I could say we would’ve acted differently.” 6 others were killed in the strike, including a local carpenter and his “virgin” wife, who,  according to reports, had given birth to the Messiah only 24 hours earlier.  “Our thoughts and prayers go out to God and his family,” said President Obama at a press conference Wednesday, “I am sorry and I humbly ask your forgiveness.”  At press time, God relinquished his almighty power to Satan, releasing a statement that simply read: “I tried.”