PHILADELPHIA, PA – Federal Election Commission reports released today revealed that 30% of donations to the Bernie Sanders (I-VT) campaign, totaling $42 million, has been spent on cans of Polar™ Seltzer for the candidate. “Seltzer is terrific,” said the Vermont Senator at a press conference to a young, impassioned crowd of 25,000, “It’s simple, affordable, and I like the bubbles.” The revelation was of little surprise to Sanders’ Capitol Hill staffers, all of whom are required to carry several cans of the carbonated drink, handfuls of hard candy, and a paperback novel at all times to suit the Senator’s needs. Explained Sanders, “Look, I’m just like everybody else. I get up, I drive to work, I drink a few gallons of seltzer, and I nap a little.” Other highlights of the report include $2 million for birdseed and $7 million to install tennis balls on the legs of every chair the Senator sees.