The Georgetown Heckler

News | August 31, 2016

Presumptuous OA Thinks “Six Weeks Before Socializing” Rule Sole Barrier to Hooking Up with Freshman in NSO Group



VILLAGE A – As the final day of New Student Orientation came to a close, orientation advisor (OA) and MSB junior Trevor Barnes (MSB ’18) assured his friends that the only thing preventing him from “getting with” one or more “really hot” freshmen under his supervision was the unwritten and entirely self-enforced rule amongst OA’s to wait six weeks before socializing with their groups – a rule clearly made up by an OA trying to give themselves more time to woo a partner. “This one girl, Rebecca, was so clearly into me, and we totally would have hooked up tonight, but you know how it is with NSO – the rules are the rules,” Barnes told a group of friends nodding politely at his egregiously transparent excuse for his lack of game and wealth of insecurity. While Barnes assured himself that he was simply abiding by a code of conduct, the aforementioned Rebecca Palmer (SFS ’20) insisted that their avoidance of romantic contact was far more intentional than it was statutory. Said Palmer, “Uh, yeah, Trevor was sort of a creep. He would look at me and talk about some six week rule, like I should start this weird ‘countdown to making out with Trevor’ clock in my head. Who makes plans to hang out a month and a half in advance? I was hoping the last day of NSO would be the last time we saw each other.” At press time, Barnes added that the six week rule may need to be extended to a twenty-four week rule just to make sure his eventual rendezvous with Palmer was “100% respectful of the orientation process”.