The Georgetown Heckler

News | September 19, 2016

This Town Elected a Dog Mayor and He Immediately Slashed Public Housing Funds



ALLENTOWN, MD – A political controversy arose in Allentown after citizens elected a figurehead mayor, local dog Spot Stanley, only to be shocked as Spot immediately ordered a sweeping series of budget cuts to entitlement and public housing programs. A press conference was held only hours after the “swearing in”, attended mostly by small children and their parents. “It’s time for the lazy in this town to stop scamming the hardworking American taxpayer and learn how to stand on their own two feet,” explained a Spot spokesperson as the newly inducted mayor began to chew on the podium microphone. Allentown citizens aren’t taking the news well.  Local convenience store clerk Alana Paige commented, “We all thought this would be a cute photo-op, maybe even help out local businesses when travelers came to see the ‘mayoral mansion’ which was just a bigger dog house we had built. Now we’re expecting a 60% spike in homelessness.” At press time, the dog mayor was considering legislation that limited transgendered individuals from using public restrooms.