You might have read the news we covered this morning regarding an NHS student excited about contracting a foreign disease.
To the students, faculty, and staff of the NHS, and on behalf of The Heckler, I apologize.
Not because of the content of the article – by that I still stand – but because this morning marked the first time we mentioned the NHS in a headline since 2014. Yes, it’s true. We admit that we forgot about one of Georgetown’s four undergraduate schools for nearly two whole years.
It was never our intention to go so long without making fun of you, but you must believe us when we say that we weren’t ignoring you. How could we? There’s no lack of content. The ridiculous, cultish pride you have in your tiny school and your seeming immunity to finding human organs gross are ripe for targeting. No, we were not ignoring you. We just honestly, and regretfully, forgot that you existed.
This might seem indefensible given that the NHS constitutes, as I said, one quarter of the university’s undergraduate colleges, but put yourself in our shoes. How would we ever be reminded of your presence? NHS students keep their enrollment hidden, revealing themselves with the smallest of hints: knowledge of basic nutrition, a familiarity with north campus, the desire for a career that incorporates some semblance of compassion. It’s all very strange, and nearly undetectable to a casual observer. For that reason, we can take most but not all of the responsibility for our mistake. Your own irrelevance in our daily lives must share some of the blame.
If this general covertness was a ploy to unburden us from the responsibility we now have to boundlessly make fun of you, then we thank you for the effort, but assure you that hiding is no longer necessary. We promise to do better, and to be more inclusive of each part of Georgetown’s community going forward.