The Georgetown Heckler

News | February 2, 2017

Butterfly Convicted of Committing Hurricane-Related Manslaughter


MIAMI, FL – After decades of investigation, a team of forensic scientists and meteorologists have successfully mounted a case against a lone monarch butterfly, convicting the butterfly of killing millions with a single flap of its wings.

“We have suspected for some time now that hurricanes could have been caused by something as small as a butterfly’s wings,” said lead-investigator Arnold Mackindale, “but we never thought we’d be able to catch the son-of-a-bitch.”

Police investigators commented that the butterfly was able to evade capture for so long due to a variety of factors, including being a small insect and flying in swarms of millions of other identical brethren.

“I knew that butterfly for years, he used to pollinate my begonias. If I’d have known he was the one responsible for the destruction of my house back in ’06, I would’ve shot him then and there,” said local man David Herrera, adjusting his hat to cover a stern gaze.

When asked if this would be the end of hurricanes, police chief Leonard Miller commented that, “while not all butterflies are bad, many more unsavory individuals are still at large,” and that, “we cannot expect hurricanes to cease until this network of butterflies has been rooted out.”