The Georgetown Heckler

News | February 7, 2017

Libertarians Rejoice! Pope Francis Says to Audit the Fed!


VATICAN – In a surprising shift of Vatican attention, Pope Francis announced Thursday that all Catholics must push the United States Federal Government to audit the Federal Reserve System. Citing a “lack of transparency,” the Pope continued to go into detail about how governance must have the trust of the people.

“The decisions that the Federal Reserve make every day are not made out in the open. Instead a group of technocrats sit behind their desk and make policy that has no mandate. It is imperative that all Catholics hear Our Lord’s calling and call their representative and demand that we, as faithful followers of our Lord, audit the Fed.”

A spokesman for the Vatican told The Heckler that while the Bishop of Rome’s most recent proclamation was unexpected, it is “certainly in line with Catholic teachings.”
Other Catholic officials have pushed back against the Pope’s claim, including the Bishop of Washington, D.C., Bishop Donald William Wuerl. Shortly following the Pope’s announcement, Wuerl issued a statement saying, “We need to be careful of how we interpret Pope Francis’ claim. While greater transparency within the Federal Reserve System would be a good idea, and while forcing large bureaucracies to admit their short-comings is certainly a cause that Jesus would have wholeheartedly supported, a total audit could be incredibly burdensome to an organization that is meant to act autonomously.”
“I just finished watching some Ron Paul videos, and I am positive that Jesus would’ve loved this guy,” said the Pope Francis, swiveling around in his computer chair, “The Kingdom of God is when the people hold government technocrats accountable for their actions.”
At press time, Pope Francis was seen posting an essay-length long comment on