The Georgetown Heckler

News | February 9, 2017

Secondary Character Not Liking Chances Headed into Final Battle


REBEL CAMP, THE SILVER KINGDOM – As night fell on rebel tents scattered outside the evil empire’s main city, secondary character Borin of Yorkenshire stared wistfully into the fire, silently doubting his chances of survival heading into the following day’s final battle.

“Over the past few weeks, our ragtag team of fighters has managed to take down scores of bad guys without sustaining any casualties of our own” Borin stated. “I just don’t know how much longer those odds can plausibly continue.”

While the rest of his team slept peacefully and without concern, Borin spent the night pacing and sharpening his sword which suddenly felt too short for him.

“At dinner tonight, our leader made this great speech about sacrificing ourselves for something bigger” recalled Borin, noting that he had made eye contact with Borin for just a little too long when he mentioned that not everyone would make it through the day.

“I had a great run for a while there” Borin continued. “At one point I even saved the hero’s life which set him up for this totally badass one-liner. But if anything, my tangential impact on the plot line only decreases my chances of survival.”

Borin, who had just two lines of dialogue leading up to this point, lamented that his next would likely be his last.

“My only hope now is that people like me enough to inspire a spinoff prequel, but with a name like Borin I’m not optimistic. Ulric Longhammer? Now that dude has a chance. But old Borin of Yorkenshire just won’t cut it.”

At press time, sources confirmed seeing Borin practicing different death throes, before deciding to just wing it.