The Georgetown Heckler

News | February 22, 2017

Matthews-Matz are Wonderful Guys and their Daddies’ Lawyers Send Great Letters On Federal Libel Code § 4101


Given GUSA’s reputation as a platform for self-indulgence and resume building, it is always a great change of pace to have candidates who demonstrate high character and values in the GUSA presidential election, and whose daddies’ lawyers also happen to send very in-depth letters about violations of federal libel law.

We have come to see their slogan of “Real Recognize Real” not as two white boy wannabes using hip-hop references to be cool, but a rallying cry for authenticity in the unauthentic swamp of GUSA and the broader Georgetown community. Also, we believe their family lawyers are very much real, and their articulate letters about the legal ramifications of slandering these nice young gentlemen just go to demonstrate their commitment to Georgetown values.

The Matthews and Matz platform includes planks such as proposing Epi be restructured into a Piano Bar or Chinese Disco style dance floor. We can only say proposals like these demonstrate the candidates’ altruism and obvious compassion for the disadvantaged, who are constantly in pursuit of greater access to nightlife, and not anything else without activating the definition of “defamation” in section 4101a, as kindly pointed out by their papas’ lawyer friends.

As for Hoy*s For Choice giving Matthews and Matz and a “C+” in their candidate grades, we are forwarding several of the letters sent to us by the Matthews and Matz family lawyers to them. We believe H*yas For Choice should carefully read through the US Federal Defamation Laws, especially section 4101, and reconsider their position.

In summary, we would just like to say that John Matthews and Nick Matz are real stand up guys, the type of guys who would spend their free time volunteering for the Humane Society, or tutoring at risk youth. Having learned much about their values and the pecuniary penalties that can be assessed under section 4101 of US Libel Law, they are clearly excellent choices for GUSA this year.