The Georgetown Heckler

News | February 25, 2017

Fourth Wise Man Finally Arrives in Jerusalem 2,017 Years Late; Forgot Gift at Carwash


The arrival of the fabled “Fourth Wise Man” occurred at 4:06 AM this morning as a 2006 SAAB 9-2X pulled up at the door of the Church of the Nativity in Bethlehem. The wise man, Tony DiRangelo, looked visibly shook.

“I knew I was late for something,” he blurted out, seemingly unaware that it was 2017, and February.

“Is the kid still here? Fuck, I’m gonna be in trouble,” he mumbled as he wedged the edge of his jacket out from the car door.

At the same time, unusual reports were coming in from a nearby Shell station in Galilee. At 12:08 AM, the station manager, Yoav Eyahu, called authorities stating that  over two thousand pounds of palm leaf had been left in his gas station carwash.

“Oh shit, that’s all mine,” muttered DiRangelo when asked about the mysterious report. He then looked around his surroundings and commented, “I don’t see a manger. What the fuck is this?” as he pointed to the Church of the Nativity, a Roman church commissioned in 327 CE to mark the birthplace of Jesus Christ.

DiRangelo quickly climbed back into the seat of his SAAB and sped back to the highway. Individuals are unsure of his present whereabouts, but initial reports notes that he only picked up four pounds of palm at the nearby Shell; a lawsuit is impending.