The Georgetown Heckler

News | March 5, 2017

Free Market Win! Man Takes Last 8 Wings from Buffet


CLEVELAND, OHIO – Take that socialism! Libertarians everywhere cheered last Tuesday when Derrick Clarkson of Cleveland took the last eight hot buffalo wings from the buffet at Golden Corral, exactly as he should.

The Free Market system is the only way to regulate the relation of goods, money, and man. And Mr. Clarkson embraced that ideology when he, singlehandedly, took the only remaining spicy, juicy buffalo wings, just as Adam Smith would have wanted.

“When I saw Derrick look around the restaurant, asserting dominance in this chaotic, capitalistic world we live in, I couldn’t help but smile as he and the free market bashed communism into the ground when D. Dog nabbed no more than eight oily, flaming, saucy, mouth-watering wings, the last eight of them in sight,” commented friend, Don Peterson.

In the most amazing display of disciplined capitalistic virtue, crowds of true Americans clapped and reported that Clarkson, riding atop the horse of economic freedom, swept through, his invisible hand grasping exactly eight saliva-inducing, dripping, intensely hot buffalo wings, those bites of tenderness, the last eight of them to have existed.