The Georgetown Heckler

News | March 6, 2017

Internet fail: WebMD Told Me that Sweating Blood Means I’m Dying


Don’t believe everything you read on the internet! I was hoping to skip a visit to the doctor’s after noticing some strange symptoms, but WebMD’s diagnosis was laughable! After a few days of probably seasonal periodic blindness, I woke up on Wednesday profusely sweating blood. What a pain, right? Anyways, I wiped my bloody brow and decided to give WebMD a try—though I had been warned that the prognosis was sometimes a bit dramatic.

I selected my symptoms on the blue avatar, and was dumbfounded by the result. According to my virtual doctor, I was advised to “seek immediate medical attention” because my prognosis was “death”. Ha! Safe to say, I won’t be taking that advice to heart.

Think what would happen if everyone who had a little blood oozing from their pores immediately needed an appointment! And my mild hallucinations indicated an “impending neurological collapse”? Come on— I’m not going to let some little bug and probably unrelated loss of feeling in my extremities get me into a panic. I’ll be taking an Advil, brewing a nice cup of tea, and staying out of waiting rooms.