The Georgetown Heckler

News | March 29, 2017

State Department Posts Job for Hardworking, Detail-Oriented Fall Guy


With the 90-day federal hiring freeze ending soon, the State Department is looking to hire again, now sharing a new job posting for a hardworking, detail oriented fall guy.

“We are excited to be seeking new talent for the State Department once again.” State Department spokesperson Mark Toner said in an official statement, “in accordance with the values of Secretary Tillerson and this administration, we will only be looking for applicants who demonstrate the utmost dedication to Foreign Service and a willingness to follow this administration to the death.” Included in postings were descriptions of day-to-day tasks like conducting area studies, assisting diplomatic efforts abroad, and taking full and total responsibility for whatever mistakes are made.

“We need people who are willing to go the extra-mile for this administration, and when the call comes, we need them to man the jail cell so we won’t have to.” At press time, several similar positions were posted at the White House and at several intelligence agencies.