The Georgetown Heckler

News | April 8, 2017

Garet and Habon Reach Day 37 of Hunger-Striking at Table in Red Square


RED SQUARE – Stating that “everything we do, we do for our loyal voters who deserve better,” sources indicate that Garet and Habon have now been tabling for 37 straight days with nothing but water and political righteousness to keep them sustained.

“Due to a disappointing outcome in this year’s GUSA presidential elections, we will be hunger-striking in Red Square to protest the new regime and reaffirm our dedication to our voters and the causes we believe in,” explained Garet and Habon’s official press release, as a gaunt Mr. Williams stared longingly at crumbs on the ground.

Sources indicate that there is not an official end date in sight, though the two ex-candidates are looking gaunter and their tabling has grown more aggressive with each passing day.

“Is that what those two homeless people are doing in Red Square?” asked Freshman Dan Feinstein, responding to the question of “what does Garet and Habon’s conviction mean to you?”

Feinstein continued, “Yeah I walk by them every day before class – they’ve made me sign like 30 petitions so far. Honestly I think it might be time for them go to home.”

At press time, Garet and Habon’s strategy team is currently planning for the eventuality of another torturous farmer’s market in the middle of their hunger strike.