The Georgetown Heckler

News | April 10, 2017

Moses Reminds the Jews to Use Bathroom Before They Leave Egypt


GOSHEN, EGYPT – As the Jewish people prepare for their flight from Egypt, their leader, Moses, reminded everybody to use the bathroom before they leave. In a public statement to his people, Moses said, “I know God will protect us, but this is going to be a hell of a trip. So why doesn’t everybody just take a mini-exodus to the bathroom so we don’t have to keep stopping along the way?” Moses went on instructing his people in the word of God. “God told me that our journey to the Promised Land is going to be much faster if we are not constantly going to rest stops because somebody has to go potty.” Moses continued, jokingly, “I want to get there before I turn 100 years old, alright?” At press time, some people had already started nagging Moses about whether they were there yet, despite not having even left Egypt.