BRIDGEPORT, WV – Remarking on how nice it would be to be out of the dark, miserably hot coal mines, local miner Eric Harriot expressed his dream of finally living the high life serving food at a McDonalds.
“Some people just don’t know how good they have it,” continued Harriot, “I’d kill for the chance to be in a moderately hot, sweaty work environment surrounded by obesity; it’d sure beat crawling into underground tunnel day in and day out.”
Harriot mentioned that he had other aspirations, including janitor, garbage collector, railroad worker, and particularly a plumber.
“Really anything else would be great. Have you been in a coal mine? Go into a coal mine and tell me I’m not right. Do it,” demanded Harriot, covered in soot.
At press time, Harriot was seen attempting to fill out applications to a local JiffyLube, but kept smudging his writing from all of the coal dust on his hands.