The Georgetown Heckler

News | April 27, 2017

Today In Nature: Some Bullshit’s Going On With the Great Barrier Reef Or Something


NATURE – Well, I suppose we have no choice but to turn our attention yet again to the so-called great outdoors. It looks like some bullshit is happening with the Great Barrier Reef or something.

This fucking reef – let me tell you – it crops up in the news each year, and acts like it owns the damn place. This year looks like it’s going to be no different: Some serious shit is currently going down with this whole Grand Coral Wall thing, like it’s dying again or whatever.

Or it was dying, but now it’s, like, not dying? Wait, no… Maybe it’s actually not doing too hot. Yeah, I honestly don’t remember.

I was supposed to get a quote from an environment scientist dude for this part, but instead I just asked my buddy what he thought about all this, so here you go: “Apparently that Great Reef stuff is a big deal, and I understand that. But hear me out: Would it kill them to put out a happy story about some other, healthy reef every once in a while? With colorful little fish and stuff all swimming around in it? I’m not asking for a lot.”

Anyway, back to the reef news. Perhaps some background information is in order, to put all this nature shit in its proper context and all. The Great Oceanic Obstacle is in the Pacific Ocean, I’m pretty sure. So there you have it, I guess. So yeah: Not good, this reef business. Next week in nature we’ll be looking at photos of a shitload of polar bears standing atop floating ice chunks, so that should be some interesting stuff.