The Georgetown Heckler

News | September 12, 2017

Wise-Cracking Professor Hoping Stand-Up Talent Scouts Undercover In Lecture


GEORGETOWN, D.C. – Sources report that the wise-cracking Philosophy professor is still fervently hoping to be found by hidden talent scouts in his lecture halls. The sources explained that Georgetown professor Isaac Hampton has been continuously updating his just slightly off-color joke catalog for nearly 18 years.

“You never know when someone with connections will see your talent,” stated Professor Hampton, “I make sure to come in each day with new, fresh, rehearsed material. I keep tabs on all my students to try to piece together who can finally get me that Hollywood gig. I’ll get them.”

Various students of Professor Hampton’s confirmed that the philosopher’s jokes simply wouldn’t work on the small stage of stand up.

“To be honest, the only reason anyone ever laughs is because he does this little nervous giggle and pause right before each joke,” said current student Hannah Trent (COL ’19), “it’s pretty easy to score brownie points, even if you have ignore some sexist and sexual comments.”

Professor Hampton was last seen quickly retreating to his office to perfect a joke that he thought would kill during his Descartes lecture, but instead fell on deaf ears.