HARBIN – This morning Maxwell Crouch (SFS ’21) reportedly shoved a world map poster his roommate bought into an industrial-strength shredder due to the outdated Sudanese borders.
It’s the latest in a string of similar incidents with SFS students. Just last week an SFS sophomore ripped several decorative national flags out of Village A windows on the grounds that they were not correctly following their respective countries’ flag display codes.
“Personally, I think that this ‘Map of the Modern World’ class may be somewhat to blame,” explained an exhausted Chief of Police Jay Gruber, “Professors need to stop giving these kids so much credit for just memorizing stuff: yesterday I had a drunk student try to prove to me that he was sober by rattling off all these facts about the Caribbean. Do you think I give a damn what the capital of Trinidad And Tobago is?”
Gruber told the Heckler that this sort of behavior typically spikes around September and February, as those are the rolling application periods for Foreign Policy Magazine. At press time, Gruber had to cut his interview short to go deal with an SFS senior who was attempting to chalk red square with the full text of an op-ed he wrote.