Oh great guardian of conservatism! Come forth from the depths of thou supply side. I summon thee President Ronald Reagan. Speak! Let me see thy face!

I have crossed the lands far and wide. Reagan Reagan on the wall, who is the fairest of them all?

Is it Ted Cruz? He is handsome and devout. His eyes radiate like emeralds from a distant land. Speak now if he is the one!

Is it Don Young? Famed is his beauty. And enchanting is his gaze, like a huntsman entangled with his caribou.

Is it Tomi Lahren? Skin white as snow. Hair blonde as a lioness. The liberals cannot hide her gentle grace.