The Georgetown Heckler

News | September 24, 2017

Report: R Means Thursday?!


In a stunning recent development, it has become clear that R on myAccess schedules stands for Thursday.  

Up until this point, it has been up to the general population to make their best guess about what this confusing notation was trying to communicate—resulting in a decades-long misunderstanding. This clarification is an important milestone for teachers and students who had absolutely no way of knowing what exactly this mysterious R could mean.

In a recent poll, 40% of Georgetown students were unsure of what the R meant, while 20% were convinced that it had something to do with Ramadan. A further 10% expected the class to only meet if the Rapture occurred, leading to a predictable 20-point GPA spread from students who did not hold this belief. A single student, presumably some kind of savant, said that he had understood that R meant Thursday all along.

The registrar apologized to the community this week, asking forgiveness for this “egregious oversight”. Apparently, presumptions of students’ ability to infer the meaning of the R were simply taken too far. The department cited “breakdowns at the institutional level” as leading to the continued assumption that Georgetown students would somehow be able to decode this strange notation. Steps are being taken to review the abbreviations for the other four days of the week, a system called into question by this whole ordeal.

Reactions to the news have been mixed, with some students disappointed that they now have to start attending class more than once a week. Says one premed senior who had no idea that Thursday classes existed for his first three years, “My free Thursdays have been the best part of my Georgetown experience—what is this school coming to?”

CAPS and the chaplains are coordinating their efforts to support the student body during the transition to a five-day week.