The Georgetown Heckler

News | September 26, 2017

5 Sneaky Ways God Cuts Down His Taxes


Taxes are just the worst. Not only are they impossible to understand, but they also make such a dent in your wallet. Luckily for you, we’ve talked to the leading expert in tax and tax theory, the Lord Almighty, in order to get some real insider tips on how to avoid giving the government your money.

  1. “Always have your 1040A ready to go. It’s comparably quick to do, and can having it as a back up can really help if you mess up your 1040 at the last minute.”

There you have it folks, right from the Creator himself!

  1. “Rules change by tax bracket. For example, people paying 10% or 15% income tax do not have to state their long-term capital gains. Find out these switch-ups, and use them to your advantage.”

If only we had known that! We should have gone to church!

  1. “More people need to know about the 529 break. Quite a few states have them, and if you are preparing someone for college (which in this economy you really must do), it can save you a ton.”

Seven states in fact! Seven of them have 529s. Amazing!

  1. “Be prepared to itemize. It may be confusing and annoying, but there’s really no other way to make sure you are gaming the system as much as possible.”

Holy cow! The big old mystical man upstairs really came through with this one!

  1. “If worst comes to worst and you’re already really behind on old payments, bring back the messiah again. The whole son-of-god thing has distracted people a dozen times before, so it will probably keep the IRS agents busy long enough to consult a lawyer.”

We’ll have to try this out next time we’re in a pickle! Thanks God!