COOPER FIELD, GEORGETOWN – At this week’s big soccer game, Jack the Bulldog made a statement on behalf of Georgetown and all that it stands for; he laid down.
Jack, the university mascot, is known primarily for his presence at sports games and ability to stand on a moving skateboard. However, that changed when the recently controversial national anthem began, and the athletes lowered themselves gracefully and respectfully to the ground. Jack let out a small yawn, and reclined his pudgy body along with them.
His small but thick body presumably made a soft, nearly inaudible thud when it hit the ground, but the crowd reacted as though the thud rang out through the air to the entire field. Jack let out another casual yawn of exhaustion, as if he didn’t even know the significance of what he had done. As one final comment on the unjust treatment of Black Americans in our country and a strong message to the President and what he stands for, Jack rolled over in the grass.
The College Dems released a statement calling Jack a “good boy.” All in all, Georgetown students across campus are praising Jack for taking the matter into his own paws.
At press time, Jack could not be reached for comment due to an appointment with a passing squirrel, but Dr. Ned Stevens, International Relations professor here at Georgetown eloquently remarked, “It’s always amazing to see young men, women, and pets protesting for what is just and right.” He later added, “No wonder this dog is kept on a leash; his potential is truly unlimited.”