The Georgetown Heckler

News | October 29, 2017

Baseball Continues


LOS ANGELES? – Did you have the audacity to assume that baseball might be over by now? Could you even conceive of the fact that there might still be more baseball? Well it’s time to get your head out of your ass and embrace reality because according to all available reports, baseball is going to continue.

“We checked all of readings and schedules, this can’t be an error,” said baseball expert, Ricky Terrance, “somehow baseball has continued far past anyone’s expectations.”

Every source we have indicates that baseball simply began one day this year, and has never stopped since. Though it is physically impossible to understand why baseball is still happening, some sports experts have hypothesized that perhaps this is some sort of divine punishment.

“All we can do is hope and pray that this will be over soon,” reported a gaunt looking general manager for the Los Angeles Dodgers, whose team has been trapped in their baseball stadium with dwindling supplies and no end in sight. “We’re hanging in there.”

At press time, sources indicate that the MLB is mercilessly pushing the pre-season up a few months to make sure “the baseball will never end.”