The Georgetown Heckler

News | October 30, 2017

5 Thoughts to Occupy Your Mind, Other Than All of This Kardashian-Jenner Baby Nonsense


Having trouble ignoring all of this pointless hype about the possible baby between Travis Scott and Kylie Kardashian? Want something important and substantive to focus on? Don’t want to subsume to popular dribble? Fear not, here’s some helpful tips to avoid thinking about the new Kardashian baby.

  1. Try mulling over the drama around the Iran Nuclear Deal. It’s hard to believe Trump would go against previous foreign policy so abruptly, and it’s equally hard to ignore that fact that Kylie and Travis have only been together since April and pregnancies take nine months and that shit just doesn’t add up.
  2. If that doesn’t work, Spain is a busy place and might offer some distraction. As Catalonia pushes for Independence, the belly of Kim’s alleged surrogate is swelling to a size far too large for just one baby. Could it be twins? Could we all be wasting our time pondering this?
  3. But if Chinese politics are more your speed, consider how the election of President Xi will impact future trade. Xi expressed a desire to work with President Trump to improve relations, but Tyga just can’t let bygones be bygones. He had the *nerve* to subtweet Kylie last week and claim he’s the father of her baby.
  4. There’s critical moments in the world to catch up, so let’s hop on down south to Brazil, where the congressional vote to decide whether the Brazilian president should stand trial for corruption charges is nearing, as is the due date for all three Kardashian sisters, if the rumors turn out to be true. Kim, Khloe, and Kylie would all theoretically have babies in February of 2018. That ish cray.
  5. Finally, in domestic affairs it was revealed that the Clinton campaign bankrolled a series of allegations linking Trump to Russia. The campaign reportedly funded the research, and maybe E! Network is just doing the same damn thing to increase the hype for the tenth anniversary of Keeping Up With the Kardashians. None of this is real! Those clever bastards.