The Georgetown Heckler

News | December 12, 2017

Georgetown Satanist-in-Residence Explores Holy-Bloodfire Hell-Death During Weekly Tea



Sitting in the dim glow of a scythe-shaped candelabra, dripping blood-red wax, Georgetown’s Satanist-in-Resident, Clark “Beelzebub” Davis, twirled his fingers around his “There’s No Place Like Hell!” coffee mug.

“I don’t know, there’s just something to it all, isn’t there?” Davis reflected, while two unassuming freshman sat on plush throw cushions on the other side of the room. “I mean, I know the ultimate pull of bloodlust is insatiable, but can we truly ever be satiated?”

The two freshman, Andre Michaels (NHS ’21) and Larine Harding (NHS ’21) smiled amicably as they nodded along with Davis, festooned in his trademark Marilyn Manson shawl.  Davis got up and offered them two pentagram-shaped shortbread cookies. “What do you think?” he said, intoning his voice like a Beatles record playing in reverse. “Do you think we can truly ever understand what it feels like to be torn limb to limb by the lord of darkness?”

Davis’ weekly teas have grown in popularity over the past few weeks. Some contend that this is due to Mr. Davis’ recent office relocation location to Healy 102, the former location of beloved Chaplain Marsha Beuvette’s office.

“We really thought this was Chaplain Beuvette’s office,” commented Harding, “but this guy seems lonely. He really wanted us to listen to his AC-DC records.”

Mr. Davis’ seems either unfazed or wholly unaware of the fact that his recent visitors have only arrived by way of misunderstanding. “I think they really do love these sessions,” he hummed as he put away the collection of obsidian black coffee mugs and blew out his flaming pentagram tea candles. “I mean, I know the questions I’m asking are complex, but if I’m not asking these things, who will? Satan himself?” He smiles and blows out the melting candelabra. “Let’s not be ridiculous.”