The Georgetown Heckler

About

The staff of The Georgetown Heckler is a well-respected, intelligent group of young people who greatly, greatly, greatly respect Georgetown University and its students. I hope you’re happy.

To Contact the Editor-in-Chief: editor@georgetownheckler.com

Once Upon A Time…

The Georgetown Heckler was founded in January of 2003 by a bunch of people whose names we’ve since forgotten. They’re probably too busy doing other stuff to read this anyways so they won’t be offended. Together, these bright young men and women forged a publication the likes of which Georgetown University had never witnessed. Unparalleled in its sophistication, The Georgetown Heckler quickly flourished in its first year and received a record low of only a single death threat throughout the entire first year. Everything has been downhill since, admittedly, as The Heckler is passed down through the ages from one group of disturbed individuals to the next.

Staff Writers:

Edith Bulwer LyttonWas expelled her sophomore year.

L.K. PotrickFounder and victim of several multi-level marketing schemes.

Clovis P. ButterworthFavorite dessert: the sugar coating on Advil. Yum!

Hester Temple, Second Viscountess CobhamFun Fact: Insists all Natty Lights be served to her in a champagne flute so they’re fancy.

Old Hoss RadbourneTrying out satire writing after being cut in the last round of tryouts for the Dallas Cowboys Cheerleading Team.

The Reverend Geraldine McCoyHas 4 pending DUI charges for driving a Lime scooter under the influence of the blood of Christ.

Squiggle Tha KidA very hungry caterpillar coming up from the underground.  Just tryna put some lettuce on the table. #Iwannaseeyoueatjustnotatmytable #respectfully

Obadiah Benton McFaddenHas high cholesterol. That’s it.

Lucius Quintus Cincinnatus LamarAlso headringer for the clocktower bells, every quarter hour, every hour.

Horace Harmon Lurton IIISocially conservative, fiscally liberal.

Shackleford Hedgecock, Esq.A kelp harvester on the Isle of Skye for her entire life. She haunts her descendents, who happen to teach at Georgetown, in her role as a ghost trapped between the realms of the living and dead. Contrary to popular belief, the Esq. in her name does not denote her status under the bastard English monarchy but rather refers to her pivotal role in establishing the American men’s magazine Esquire.

Adelaide MorningtonLives under a brick in Red Square, find her for a prize!

Doña Inés de Asuaje y Ramirez de Santillana Believes The Day the Music Died was an inside job.

Brockholst LivingstonJoined the Heckler because she heard they let women play chess.

Rufus Wheeler PeckhamWheeler? I barely even know her!

Augustus Lorde SouleLoves writing here because documentation is crucial when he indicts everyone in The Heckler.

Bjorn Melvinplank1656-1723. RIP.

Osborne Augustus LochraneLoves outdated references more than Justin loves Selena.

Col. Willis Van DevanterDespite popular belief, not in Gossip Girl… yet.

Theophilus ParsonsHates being called Suckalotadis Penis, prefers Theophallus Pussons.

Blanche CavendishCompletely feral. You can find Blanche on the front lawn nibbling on tree leaves but they WILL find you first.

Alfred Conkling Coxe Jr. | Fun Fact: Looks enough like Ian Curtis of Joy Division for people to go “yeah, I see it.”

Henrietta ChesterfieldFun Fact: Runs a YouTube channel that hates on mumble rap.

Peleg SpragueFun Fact: Went to the same high school as her friend Gerard.

The Sisters FitzroyFun Fact: H I V E M I N D   H I V E M I N D   H I V E M I N D

Carolina Edgecumbun act: key in between ‘d’ and ‘g’ is broken.

Bushrod WashingtonMean ole grandpa with a martyr complex and an addiction to Instagram polls. Viva Heckler!

Fortune St. AlbansCan be found going about his merry way.

Glocktopus Squid PrimeUnderstood by scholars to be the preeminent species in this world of human life that is now extinct in a number is called a blank species which of these species are the best example is a blank is a species of squid.

Bouglia Bol Bowl | Wasn’t let out the cage much as a child.

Grantland Mice

Tippi Feathers

Ranth Rue

Erasmus D Campbell

Mary-Anne Betsy-Ross

Duchess Barbara Knittingford of Hartford, CT

Associated Press NewsWire

Ezra PP Starkweather

Demar Divicenzo Derozan

Colonel Willis van Devanter

Enid Bagnold of Rottingdean

Antipope Innocent III

Cicero Sheboygan Comstock

Whom It May Concern

Geoffrey the Handsome

Frances Lumley Saunderson

Superintendent B. Gauche

Hamilton Rice Jr.

Psir Pseudonym III

Mordecai Wong

Grangopoulos Zefiro

Marcus Antonius Rubius

Little Rock Anthony

ChatCBT

Eighteen Naked Cowboys

What People Are Saying About The Georgetown Heckler:

“exquisitely clever and laugh-out-loud funny” – The Hoya

“Ridiculously hilarious” – my.georgetown.edu

“A great source of procrastination” – The Hoya

“Stop crowding our spotlight” – The Georgetown Independent

“I’d love to take credit for this” – YaleToday.com

“A Georgetown [Heckler] article…triggered …immediate and huge reaction” – The Harvard Crimson

“idiots.” – People with Intelligence

More Old Press

The Hoya Covers Us Sticking it to The Man (August 2007)
The Hoya Interviews Jon Rapoport (January 2007)
“Spurned” by the Harvard Lampoon (August 2004)

Official Stuff

The Georgetown Heckler is not affiliated with Georgetown University. All of the material on this website is property of The Georgetown Heckler and may not be reproduced without permission (for permissions, just let us know and we’ll probably say yes). All names used in our articles are fictional, except for obviously real, public-figure-ish people like GU President Jack DeGioia, Hillary Clinton, and Gumby. As for these obviously real people, none of what appears in this publication is intended to be harmful, and we apologize in advance for hurt feelings and/or bruised egos. Especially to you, Mr. DeGioia.

Just to be clear, this website should not be taken as legitimate news.

Content may not be appropriate for viewers under 18.

Content may not be appropriate for viewers over 18 either.

In fact, even if you are exactly 18, this content may still not be appropriate for you, it simply is not very good.