The Georgetown Heckler



The staff of The Georgetown Heckler is a well-respected, intelligent group of young men and sometimes woman(s) who greatly, greatly, greatly respect Georgetown University and its students. I hope you’re happy.

To Contact the Editor-in-Chief:


Writing Staff

Anderson Mini-Cooper (COL ’17)


Arman Arman (COL ’15)

Fun Fact: allergic to fruits.


Blue Sub-Ivy (COL ’16)

SSN available upon request.


Brick (COL ’17)

Majoring in explaining what “Political Economy” is.


Chip McDevin (COL ’15)


Devyn (COL ’16)

Fun Fact: Once destroyed seven swing sets in 45 seconds but the Guinness Book of World Records won’t let me join their book club because “accidents don’t count.”


D. Joya (COL ’18)

Have you heard about the Axolotl? It’s a small salamander who is named after the Aztec God of Death. It can regrow most of its body and piece itself back together. The embryos are even more bad-ass — you can split them apart and recombine them with other ones. They can even just adopt a new brain. Really fucking cool.


Elle Lusive (SFS ’17)

Fun Fact: Used to drive a Prius


Heisenberg (COL ’17)

He also enjoys taking naps with puppies and looking at himself in the mirror at Yates.


Ian Cognito (SFS ’15)


Insert Pseudonym Here (COL ’18)

Fun Fact: Has a brief role in Ashton Kutcher and Bernie Mac’s Classic Film “Guess Who” (Extra #33)


Jack Squat (COL ’16)

Fun fact: Owed enough favors by the administration to get one student expelled, no questions asked.


Jared of Nazareth (SFS ’18)

Has a crippling fear of fun facts.


Jimmy Two-Shoes (SFS ’17)

Training to be Santa Claus.


John Doe (COL ’17)

Thinks communism is a great idea in theory.


King Arthur Radley (COL ’18)

Totally looks like that other random Asian guy who doesn’t look like me.


Maryland Monroe (COL ’17)

Fun Fact: The person who laughs at my jokes most is me.


Miss Terri Righter (COL ’16)


Mr. E Mann (COL ’18)

Can rap the entirety of Sir-Mix-A-Lot’s “Baby Got Back” from memory.


Papa Francisco (SFS ’16)

I’m an Arizonan who pretends to know how to sail.


Phil Clinton (COL ’17)

My fetish is security footage of low-speed car accidents.


Pierre Ledametueur (COL ’17)

Has an incredible passion for the happiness that can come from the smallest things, buy mainly ice cream. 


Regina Phalange (COL ’18)

Talents include the ability to eat 17 cupcakes in one sitting and falling down stairs.


Sterling Archer (COL ’17)

Did you know that in Arabic the word for “eggs” is the same word for “white people”?


The Professor (COL ’16)

I have a piece missing from my left ear.


Tilda Swinton (COL ’15)

Stevie Wonder Truther.


Tom Bombadil (SFS ’16)

Emigrated from India two years ago with no knowledge of English



Founder, King, & Head Honcho
Justin Droms
All-Around Swell Gal & Benefactor
Madeline McGrane
Very Large & (used to be) In Charge
Mike Vipond
Keeper of the Flame & Ginger-Faced Jew
Jonathan Rapoport

Zach Rabiroff ’09
Jonathan Rapoport ’09

Once Upon A Time…
The Georgetown Heckler was founded in January of 2003 by Justin Droms (Corky St. Clair) with the help of Jack O’Brien, Sean McGrane, and Tim Skiendzielewski. In time, the Heckler would enlist the skills of other Georgetown intellectuals like Brian Danilo, Blake Harris, Ryan Cassidy, Andrew DeFeo, and Alex Clark, along with a host of other GU students that shared similar interests (NASCAR, online poker, Christopher Walken, etc.). Together, these bright young men and women forged a publication the likes of which Georgetown University had never witnessed. Unparalleled in its sophistication, The Georgetown Heckler flourished during the spring semester of 2003, publishing items from Saddam Hussein’s Spring Wardrobe Review (Vol. 1, No. 6, 03/24/03) to Coach Esherick’s Free Pap Smears (Vol. 1, No. 2, 01/20/03), and expanding our tastelessness into original movies and cartoons. All things considered, the Founding Members of The Georgetown Heckler created some surprisingly funny stuff during the first year, and, surprisingly, received only one death threat. After the Forefathers of the Heckler graduated in May of 2003, Madeline McGrane, Bryan Hughes, and Mike Vipond took over, and are responsible for the oft-hilarious second year. And so, the Heckler shall be passed down through the ages in this manner, from one group of disturbed individuals to the next.

What People Are Saying About The Georgetown Heckler:

“exquisitely clever and laugh-out-loud funny”
The Hoya

“Ridiculously hilarious”

“A great source of procrastination”
The Hoya

“Stop crowding our spotlight”
The Georgetown Independent

“I’d love to take credit for this”

“A Georgetown [Heckler] article…triggered
…immediate and huge reaction”
The Harvard Crimson

People with Intelligence

More Press
The Hoya Covers Us Sticking it to The Man (August 2007)
The Hoya Interviews Jon Rapoport (January 2007)
The Hoya Catches Up With Our Founders (September 2006)
A Review of Our Book in The Hoya (February 2005)
“Spurned” by the Harvard Lampoon (August 2004)
Our First Review (February 2003)

Official Stuff
The Georgetown Heckler is not affiliated with Georgetown University. All of the material on this website is property of The Georgetown Heckler and may not be reproduced without permission (for permissions, just let us know and we’ll probably say yes). All names used in our articles are fictional, except for obviously real, public-figure-ish people like GU President Jack DeGioia, Hillary Clinton, and Gumby. As for these obviously real people, none of what appears in this publication is intended to be harmful, and we apologize in advance for hurt feelings and/or bruised egos. Especially to you, Mr. DeGioia.

Just to be clear, this website should not be taken as legitimate news.

Content may not be appropriate for viewers under 18.