Is it just me or is anyone else surprisingly aroused by this ubiquitous gyro lady poster? I think she is hungry for something different, but I doubt that it’s a gyro. I mean, this poster is just begging to be photshopped. And believe you me in due time I will photoshop something in to replace that gyro. I’ll let your imagination run wild. No, it’s not a bigger gyro you idiot. That wouldn’t even make sense. As it is she’s going to have a hard time ramming that giant gyro into her little mouth with her supple lips quivering as she feasts on the massive and meaty food product. Goddamn, that is one hot gyro lady! I’d like to show her my schwarma with yogurt sauce. You know, flip her baklava around a little bit. Rub her with a little falafel, Bill O’Reilly style. All I’m saying is someday the Gyro Lady and I will find each other and get married and make sweet sweet spanakopita until the sun comes up. Then we’ll fall asleep in each others arms, our humuses entwined. It will be pure tsatziki. Wow, I’m hungry.
Is it just me or is anyone else surprisingly aroused by this ubiquitous gyro lady poster? I think she is hungry for something different, but I doubt that it’s a gyro. I mean, this poster is just begging to be photshopped. And believe you me in due time I will photoshop something in to replace that gyro. I’ll let your imagination run wild. No, it’s not a bigger gyro you idiot. That wouldn’t even make sense. As it is she’s going to have a hard time ramming that giant gyro into her little mouth with her supple lips quivering as she feasts on the massive and meaty food product. Goddamn, that is one hot gyro lady! I’d like to show her my schwarma with yogurt sauce. You know, flip her baklava around a little bit. Rub her with a little falafel, Bill O’Reilly style. All I’m saying is someday the Gyro Lady and I will find each other and get married and make sweet sweet spanakopita until the sun comes up. Then we’ll fall asleep in each others arms, our humuses entwined. It will be pure tsatziki. Wow, I’m hungry.
Since I’m gone this weekend I thought I’d give you guys one of the better articles from this prolific past Heckler year. If you don’t think it’s funny, it’s probably cause you’re a dick.
Students Take Action Now-Darfur (STAND), the Georgetown founded club that seeks to aid refugees in Sudan, was shocked and dismayed to learn that 500 additional Sudanese people had been brutally murdered last week. The culprit, though originally believed to be the Janjaweed, a paramilitary group responsible for much of the atrocities in Sudan, turned out to be irony.
The irony that killed the refugees was brought about by the entrance of GU student Timothy McNaught-Walker (SFS ‘07) into STAND. McNaught-Walker, who is handicapped because of a vicious masturbation stunt he pulled at age 13, is confined to the uses of a wheelchair. Initially confused, concerning the irony, he commented, “I was sitting, as always, when suddenly it hit me. I almost jumped in the air, but…I didn’t. STAND? Get it.” He then proceeded to chuckle. “Oh irony,” he added.
The Sudanese government has yet to issue a full statement on the tragedy, but Dok Affiti, a spokesman for the government issued a brief statement denying the government’s cooperation with irony. “The government has in no way endorsed what irony has done today, assuming that paying for and equipping irony does not count as endorsement, which it doesn’t. I hope. I have to go now.”
The refugees were found just outside of Khartoum, in a small village, and appeared to have been ravaged by irony. Ironically the starving villagers appeared to have been murdered on Thanksgiving, a day of feast in America, and killed by stuffing Turkey into every one of their orifices. There were no survivors in the village.
STAND spokesman Dan Menkowitz condemned irony’s action saying, “What happened today is truly a tragedy. We are currently doing everything in our power to help these people. We truly empathize with these people as wealthy white college students in America.”
After his official briefing, Menkowitz agreed to an interview, where he elaborated: “You know it’s really hard for these people in Sudan. Most people just ignore them, but that’s what STAND is about. We understand them. I mean, sometimes I’m just starving for a mocha-cappucino, or just dying to be done with this exam. It’s just like Darfur.”
STAND has already begun a new initiative, Students Take Action Now-Irony (STANI), although the acronym seemed significantly less sensible. “STANI’s first objective will be kill humor and irony,” the club’s charter stated. “No longer will irony ravage the open wounds of tragedies near and far.”
McNaught-Walker has issued a formal apology to the people of Sudan, but has yet to resign from the club. “I think I could do a lot of good for these people,” he said in prepared remarks yesterday. “I cannot just sit by idly while these people suffer.” On an unrelated note, several more refugees were found dead. Irony is suspected.
Sudan is not the first target to be hit by irony. It also struck in the tsuanmi of last year, when thousands of refugees found themselves dying of thirst, and proponents say that it is “plausible, though, unlikely,” that 9/11 may have been caused by the irony of Lara Flynn Boyle walking into a Hooters.
Since I’m gone this weekend I thought I’d give you guys one of the better articles from this prolific past Heckler year. If you don’t think it’s funny, it’s probably cause you’re a dick.
Students Take Action Now-Darfur (STAND), the Georgetown founded club that seeks to aid refugees in Sudan, was shocked and dismayed to learn that 500 additional Sudanese people had been brutally murdered last week. The culprit, though originally believed to be the Janjaweed, a paramilitary group responsible for much of the atrocities in Sudan, turned out to be irony.
The irony that killed the refugees was brought about by the entrance of GU student Timothy McNaught-Walker (SFS ‘07) into STAND. McNaught-Walker, who is handicapped because of a vicious masturbation stunt he pulled at age 13, is confined to the uses of a wheelchair. Initially confused, concerning the irony, he commented, “I was sitting, as always, when suddenly it hit me. I almost jumped in the air, but…I didn’t. STAND? Get it.” He then proceeded to chuckle. “Oh irony,” he added.
The Sudanese government has yet to issue a full statement on the tragedy, but Dok Affiti, a spokesman for the government issued a brief statement denying the government’s cooperation with irony. “The government has in no way endorsed what irony has done today, assuming that paying for and equipping irony does not count as endorsement, which it doesn’t. I hope. I have to go now.”
The refugees were found just outside of Khartoum, in a small village, and appeared to have been ravaged by irony. Ironically the starving villagers appeared to have been murdered on Thanksgiving, a day of feast in America, and killed by stuffing Turkey into every one of their orifices. There were no survivors in the village.
STAND spokesman Dan Menkowitz condemned irony’s action saying, “What happened today is truly a tragedy. We are currently doing everything in our power to help these people. We truly empathize with these people as wealthy white college students in America.”
After his official briefing, Menkowitz agreed to an interview, where he elaborated: “You know it’s really hard for these people in Sudan. Most people just ignore them, but that’s what STAND is about. We understand them. I mean, sometimes I’m just starving for a mocha-cappucino, or just dying to be done with this exam. It’s just like Darfur.”
STAND has already begun a new initiative, Students Take Action Now-Irony (STANI), although the acronym seemed significantly less sensible. “STANI’s first objective will be kill humor and irony,” the club’s charter stated. “No longer will irony ravage the open wounds of tragedies near and far.”
McNaught-Walker has issued a formal apology to the people of Sudan, but has yet to resign from the club. “I think I could do a lot of good for these people,” he said in prepared remarks yesterday. “I cannot just sit by idly while these people suffer.” On an unrelated note, several more refugees were found dead. Irony is suspected.
Sudan is not the first target to be hit by irony. It also struck in the tsuanmi of last year, when thousands of refugees found themselves dying of thirst, and proponents say that it is “plausible, though, unlikely,” that 9/11 may have been caused by the irony of Lara Flynn Boyle walking into a Hooters.
I was just watching the Germany-Poland World Cup game, and I couldn’t help but have the sneaking suspicion that those two countries had met before on another important international stage. But where? And when? What’s that 9th grade history teacher hallucination caused by an acid flashback? Sept. 1, 1939? Oh snap, you’re right! Well, the games not over so I don’t know who’s going to win. But I do know this: if history tells us anything, it’s that whoever wins, the Jews are fucked.
I was just watching the Germany-Poland World Cup game, and I couldn’t help but have the sneaking suspicion that those two countries had met before on another important international stage. But where? And when? What’s that 9th grade history teacher hallucination caused by an acid flashback? Sept. 1, 1939? Oh snap, you’re right! Well, the games not over so I don’t know who’s going to win. But I do know this: if history tells us anything, it’s that whoever wins, the Jews are fucked.
With Dilly and Dally in came small Sally
Dilly and Dally were both from South Cali
While Sally, a galy, was from Northern Tally
Hippin and hoppin in came the three
A bippin and boppin, oh what to see
There was Bobby a camera in hand
With a grin the size of this here whole land
They started to strip
Without any quip
The fun had begun
As three became one
Dilly’s big willy into Dally’s young wally
And oh here comes Sally who didn’t dare dally
She showed off her wally for Bobby to enjoy
And oh what can happen with two girls and a boy
Feejing and teejing with wallies and willies
Said Bobby, “How fun and oh what such sillies”
And the camera kept rolling and how it went on
Dear Bobby kept filming til all film was gone
The video was made and put on the net
So people could watch and not have to fret
About getting a date or a girlfriend’s who’s late
And also so they could relax and masturbate
But some people are trying to shut it all down
And this makes a poor lonely doctor just frown
If you don’t like it don’t watch, don’t act like a clown
Otherwise sit back and chew on some corn
Cause old Dr. Seuss he loves him some porn
With Dilly and Dally in came small Sally
Dilly and Dally were both from South Cali
While Sally, a galy, was from Northern Tally
Hippin and hoppin in came the three
A bippin and boppin, oh what to see
There was Bobby a camera in hand
With a grin the size of this here whole land
They started to strip
Without any quip
The fun had begun
As three became one
Dilly’s big willy into Dally’s young wally
And oh here comes Sally who didn’t dare dally
She showed off her wally for Bobby to enjoy
And oh what can happen with two girls and a boy
Feejing and teejing with wallies and willies
Said Bobby, “How fun and oh what such sillies”
And the camera kept rolling and how it went on
Dear Bobby kept filming til all film was gone
The video was made and put on the net
So people could watch and not have to fret
About getting a date or a girlfriend’s who’s late
And also so they could relax and masturbate
But some people are trying to shut it all down
And this makes a poor lonely doctor just frown
If you don’t like it don’t watch, don’t act like a clown
Otherwise sit back and chew on some corn
Cause old Dr. Seuss he loves him some porn
