Timmy is waiting with nothing to do
Maybe, he thinks, I’ll go take a poo
But then comes a knock on Timmy’s front door
Thank goodness for anything to ease up the bore
He opens the door and finds his friend Jimmy
Hey Jimmy, says Timmy, who lets him on in
Jimmy just smiles and shows him a tin
The tin has great colors of blue and of yellow
Says Jimmy to Timmy, “Time to get mellow”
Timmy’s excited, his face starts to glow
This is the shit that Jim’s mom likes to grow
Inside the can is all the sweet jeeby
And Jimmy is offering it all as a freebie
Timmy is happy, he starts to shout
And jump up and down and all about
I would smoke it in a house
I would smoke it with a mouse
I would smoke it in the rain
I would smoke it flying a plane
Enough of this ranting, take out the dope
Are your parents coming home? No I hope
Put on some music cause that shit’s amazing
Whenever you’re blazing and dazing
And then onto lazing, how bout his phrasing
Go grab the bong and I’ll pick a song
Says Jimmy, as Timmy just starts run
Oh my goodness, cries Timmy, oh what such fun
“Bong of Solomon” is what Timmy brings back
Along with some chips for a post-reefer snack
What a name for a bong, it’s really quite queer
Fuck that we just got all literary up in here
They hit on the bong, it’s really quite strong
And Jimmy yells out, “I can’t feel my schlong!”
They both start to giggle, they’re fucking high
They’re laughing so hard they both start to cry
Now the music is Marley and it’s a sweet jam
Goddamn! They’ve got the munchies for green eggs and ham
But alas I can’t write anymore of this crap
I think I’m going to go take a nap
Please just leave me alone, no calls
Cause right now Seuss is fucking tripping balls
Timmy is waiting with nothing to do
Maybe, he thinks, I’ll go take a poo
But then comes a knock on Timmy’s front door
Thank goodness for anything to ease up the bore
He opens the door and finds his friend Jimmy
Hey Jimmy, says Timmy, who lets him on in
Jimmy just smiles and shows him a tin
The tin has great colors of blue and of yellow
Says Jimmy to Timmy, “Time to get mellow”
Timmy’s excited, his face starts to glow
This is the shit that Jim’s mom likes to grow
Inside the can is all the sweet jeeby
And Jimmy is offering it all as a freebie
Timmy is happy, he starts to shout
And jump up and down and all about
I would smoke it in a house
I would smoke it with a mouse
I would smoke it in the rain
I would smoke it flying a plane
Enough of this ranting, take out the dope
Are your parents coming home? No I hope
Put on some music cause that shit’s amazing
Whenever you’re blazing and dazing
And then onto lazing, how bout his phrasing
Go grab the bong and I’ll pick a song
Says Jimmy, as Timmy just starts run
Oh my goodness, cries Timmy, oh what such fun
“Bong of Solomon” is what Timmy brings back
Along with some chips for a post-reefer snack
What a name for a bong, it’s really quite queer
Fuck that we just got all literary up in here
They hit on the bong, it’s really quite strong
And Jimmy yells out, “I can’t feel my schlong!”
They both start to giggle, they’re fucking high
They’re laughing so hard they both start to cry
Now the music is Marley and it’s a sweet jam
Goddamn! They’ve got the munchies for green eggs and ham
But alas I can’t write anymore of this crap
I think I’m going to go take a nap
Please just leave me alone, no calls
Cause right now Seuss is fucking tripping balls
Black Cock Down*: The heart-wrenching story of a large black man with erectile dysfunction, who has to defy all the odds to get laid.
Catchphrase: He wants to get down with the ladies, but first he’s gotta get up.
Schindler’s Piss: It’s August of 1943 and Schindler’s hiding hundreds of hot, young, nubile Jews in his factory. But they’re about to learn that when Schindler says, “Urine for a treat,” he means it. Based very, very loosely on a true story.
Catchphrase: This time the Jews are being sent to a different kind of shower; a golden shower.
12 Angry Women (alternate title: 12 Angry Womyn): Pretty much exactly what it sounds like. There are 12 women. They are angry. They are lesbians. They’re really butch. They’re in a room. They have to decide a murder trial, but not before they have a prolonged, esoteric and abstract conversation on the importance of feminist ideals in an ever changing modern and disillusioned political era. Naked. From the makers of Raging Bull-dyke.
Catchphrase: Die men die.
Singin’ In The Pain: The world’s first S&M musical, starring Spank Sinatra as Asspanking McGimp. There will be a percussion scene in which McGimp will play different sized asses using a steel mace.
Catchphrase: Pain has never sounded so good.
Cock Block and Two Smoking Barrels: The blue-ballingly hot story of a man who just can’t get any, because of his asshole friends. That is, until the day he finds a shotgun.
Catchphrase: Rubble. As in Barney Rubble. As in he’s got a shotgun and is going to rape you.
Coy Story: The endearing story of a little sex toy, Woody the dildo, who has never left the sex shop. Everything’s going well for Woody until some hot shot new toy, Buzz Vibrator, comes along and shows him that dildos are for pussies. Literally.
Catchphrase: You’ll orgasm to infinity. And beyond.
Sack to the Future: The thrilling story of Marty McBi, just an ordinary bisexual kid until he meets Doc Cock, a mad scientist who wants to send Marty’s balls…into the future. Unfortunately, Marty’s balls end up in 1954 where they end up teabagging Marty’s own mother.
Catchphrase: Time flies. So do Marty’s balls.
The Ball-tease Falcon: The bizarre tale of a highly intelligent and sexually deviant falcon that teases guys’ balls until they just can’t take it anymore and then flies away. Probably the worst and strangest porno you’ll never see, unless you’re into falcons playing with guys’ balls and then flying away. I know I am.
Catchphrase: Falcon at 10 o’clock, do you know where your balls are?
*It turns out this is actually a real porno. Unfortunately, not with the same plot.
Black Cock Down*: The heart-wrenching story of a large black man with erectile dysfunction, who has to defy all the odds to get laid.
Catchphrase: He wants to get down with the ladies, but first he’s gotta get up.
Schindler’s Piss: It’s August of 1943 and Schindler’s hiding hundreds of hot, young, nubile Jews in his factory. But they’re about to learn that when Schindler says, “Urine for a treat,” he means it. Based very, very loosely on a true story.
Catchphrase: This time the Jews are being sent to a different kind of shower; a golden shower.
12 Angry Women (alternate title: 12 Angry Womyn): Pretty much exactly what it sounds like. There are 12 women. They are angry. They are lesbians. They’re really butch. They’re in a room. They have to decide a murder trial, but not before they have a prolonged, esoteric and abstract conversation on the importance of feminist ideals in an ever changing modern and disillusioned political era. Naked. From the makers of Raging Bull-dyke.
Catchphrase: Die men die.
Singin’ In The Pain: The world’s first S&M musical, starring Spank Sinatra as Asspanking McGimp. There will be a percussion scene in which McGimp will play different sized asses using a steel mace.
Catchphrase: Pain has never sounded so good.
Cock Block and Two Smoking Barrels: The blue-ballingly hot story of a man who just can’t get any, because of his asshole friends. That is, until the day he finds a shotgun.
Catchphrase: Rubble. As in Barney Rubble. As in he’s got a shotgun and is going to rape you.
Coy Story: The endearing story of a little sex toy, Woody the dildo, who has never left the sex shop. Everything’s going well for Woody until some hot shot new toy, Buzz Vibrator, comes along and shows him that dildos are for pussies. Literally.
Catchphrase: You’ll orgasm to infinity. And beyond.
Sack to the Future: The thrilling story of Marty McBi, just an ordinary bisexual kid until he meets Doc Cock, a mad scientist who wants to send Marty’s balls…into the future. Unfortunately, Marty’s balls end up in 1954 where they end up teabagging Marty’s own mother.
Catchphrase: Time flies. So do Marty’s balls.
The Ball-tease Falcon: The bizarre tale of a highly intelligent and sexually deviant falcon that teases guys’ balls until they just can’t take it anymore and then flies away. Probably the worst and strangest porno you’ll never see, unless you’re into falcons playing with guys’ balls and then flying away. I know I am.
Catchphrase: Falcon at 10 o’clock, do you know where your balls are?
*It turns out this is actually a real porno. Unfortunately, not with the same plot.
1. Cat
2. Dog
3. Happy
4. Nuclear
1. Cat
2. Dog
3. Happy
4. Nuclear
That’s right mothertruckers, the Georgetown Heckler Blog is back and better than ever, or rather it’s hopefully not worse than it was before. Anyways, I know you’ve all been compulsively masturbating to control the stress caused by the Heckler Blog’s absence, but it’s ok, you can relax now cause we’re back. So start checking regularly and obsessively again because there will be updates and they will be hilarious.
That’s right mothertruckers, the Georgetown Heckler Blog is back and better than ever, or rather it’s hopefully not worse than it was before. Anyways, I know you’ve all been compulsively masturbating to control the stress caused by the Heckler Blog’s absence, but it’s ok, you can relax now cause we’re back. So start checking regularly and obsessively again because there will be updates and they will be hilarious.
