I received a tip this summer from Heckler writer H.A.F. that Epicurean and Co. offers a sandwich named “The Georgetown Heckler.” I assumed he must have either been mistaken or the sandwich consists of dog shit smeared on a half-slice of potato bread.
I went over to the restaurant today after picking up an internet adapter from UIS, and, wow, they actually did name a sandwich after us. And even better, out of all these sandwiches named after Georgetown stuff, we are the only campus publication to have one named after us. Take that, Georgetown Federalist. You may steal our layout design, but you can never steal our sandwich. Unless, of course, the Heritage Foundation or Second Stewards buy the naming rights for you, which they probably will.
There we are on the board, sandwich number C9, as you can maybe see from this grainy cellphone photo. And surprisingly, we sound like we taste pretty good. Fresh mozzarella, plum tomato, pesto, mixed greens, and fresh basil on focaccia bread.
I didn’t buy one, because it’s pretty expensive (a higher dollar amount, actually, than the net worth of its namesake publication), but please get one and let us know what we taste like.
Now this sandwich begs the question: Why is this what they imagined the Heckler would be like in sandwich form? Here’s my interpretation of what each part represents:
- Fresh mozzarella: Wearing Your Collar Down Is For Poor People, the piece that has by far gotten us the most traffic; it became an internet meme a few years ago and helped establish us as one of the better college humor magazines
- Plum tomato: Administrator humor, nice and juicy
- Pesto: Dick jokes, which have come in throughout our history to help the publication survive in lean times
- Mixed greens: The occasional Onion-style national news items that make Heckler writers feel like they’re writing something more than 5 people understand
- Fresh basil: Alcohol, crippling depression, and other strong factors that allow us to write what we do
- Focaccia: Justin Droms, Heckler founder and former editor of Cracked, who keeps this all together
And all of it is fresh, just like our satire. Or at least the stuff is only a couple months old.